gahhh FML bc i just dont get it

so this sucks. im on summer break and look, i already got in trouble. i just dont get it. i'm 19, okay maybe that seems young to many, but how many of you were under like lockdown at the age of 19? during the SUMMER? like i just dont get it. my parents both met in highschool, grew up in the most ghetto-ist place of all korean town- aka flushing, ny. when BACK then, smoking was like the coolest thing to do, and drinking was allowed at the age of like 19, before the law changed it. i really dont get it. so basically im working all the time, and the times i dont i would love to enjoy it by doing something productive instead of staying home watching lost when both my parents are busy doing their things too. why do they love me home? it's not like we're going to have like some kind of family time neither do we even go on vacation really anymore. so.....still.....why  is it so bad when i come home at like 2 in the morning?? i do have a borderline for myself. i'm not some wild child who needs to be a rebel and not listen to their parents all the time either. so why is it so bad when it's a once in a while thing where i just come home past 2....not going over past 3. i am a good child. i did pretty well in one of the top art schools in america!! i honestly thought going to college would make up for not studying in highschool because of how bad my gpa was...or so they said. GOD truely blessed me with such a talent that i was able to continue my education with. aren't they happy enough?? i am so obedient and loving. kind and generous. this might sound all gibberish to those reading this, but it's all the anger piled up now. that i really needed to release. so for those of you who have parents that don't care.....eff you! ahha jk, but i mean at least my parents care...but still........why can't anyone explain to me. cuz i JUST DONT GET IT!

l o v e

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy.

Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;
It is not self-seeking, nor easily angered.
It keeps no record of wrongdoing.
It does not delight in evil,
But rejoices in the truth.
It always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves.
There is nothing love cannot face;
There is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance.
In a word, there are three things that last forever:
Faith, hope, and love;
But the greatest of them all is love.

-- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

sometimes i need this in order to realize what love truely is. i need to read this to remind me to be patient and kind. through the fights and the hard times, if you really love someone, it's the best feeling in the world. it's like the saying, " when you're with somone, it's like falling in love with them over and over again..."- nina loshiavo. well she didn't quote this exact quote, but i never heard of it until she said it to me. ah. i need to control myself. sometimes i can't handle the truth or reality. i need to get over it and just toughen up. please, let me grow stronger, not weaker. let me not become stubborn and selfish. let me learn to be a better person. frustration is taking over me. i want to calm down and just listen, but i don't. i need this. i need you.

lost, why are you doing this to me!!

soo, the past week. the first week i've been home from school. what do i do? watch lost. why do i come home early from hanging out with friends? for lost. OKAY LOST! you have ALL OF ME! no...but seriuosly. this show just gets better and better. it's so good that it's become a top number one conversation topic i have with at least 3 of my friends per day. yes, it's sad. but what can i do. it's soo good and addicting. it's to the point that i don't go downstairs to eat my dinner. and i sleep so late every night and wake up at 12 -1 if no one wakes me up because of this show. in fact, i'm only writing this blog right now because the shows from online won't upload .....hahahah okok i sound like a pathetic lost loser and a crazy psychopath, but i swear i'm not! i cannot wait for the weekend. i start traning tomorrow ruby tuesdays. sorta excited. not really. i just want to get paid and earn lots of money so that i can go shopping. that is all. 

sippin on some o' dat and nrb is the way to go

so today started off pretty well, woke up got showered. got ready and victor picked me up. for once, i made him some food. actually it was a sandwich. delicious turkey sandwich if you ask him. haha then we played some piano. true classic. it was so much fun actually. well, that was a lie. i had trouble reading music. it was just last year since i read my flute music ...and the treble clef should have been like no joke for me, but i had trouble. proves how much you forget within one year. wow. i was disappointed. anyways. i was in the mall, a little bit too early to fill out papers at ruby tuesdays so i walked around and bumped into (my sister in law & brothaa in law) hehe danil and monnica. so pretty much after i was done at ruby's i saw them again and i went to go get my nails done with monnica. wow it's been a while since i got my nails done. felt SO GOOD. like all the dirty stuff off my nails hehe and filed perfectly shaped and the color is gorgeous. well im over exaggerating but i just love everything. 

today was victor's dad's birthday. aka yuri. hehe funny, because in korean that's a girls name actually. ahhaha okay whatever. we went to the noodle house off of route one. pretty yummy i must say. i ate so much. drank champagne, then decided to go to the kareoke. ecko. ahh that place is so much fun. geesh. i really dont have a great voice, but its awesome that no one is perfect at singing besides victor but still we can do whatever we want and have fun. aint it funny. vesta and yuri came along too? hahah it was just a great family bonding time....oh yes it was.

yess! a job?! woot woot!

so, i woke up this morning expecting to just hand in my applications to the stores and such that i went yesterday in the mall and then i saw my friend working at ruby tuesdays. she told me to come in at a certain time since her manager was there.....so i went in and bam! i got hired... wow thanks to her. so yes, you are now reading the words from the new future waitress/host at ruby tuesdays! hahaha. so funny. but no, i'm really thankful that i got this job though because, the economy is so bad right now that the places i was going to apply for all said they were not hiring and were only accepting applications so i thought i was screwed for the summer. but now, i'll be getting some kind of income so it won't be me asking my rents for money anymore! and i'll be able to go shopping! and do stuff i like. yay! okay, i probably won' t be making that much money but whatever, i'm still happy. anyways, i've been watching lost ever since victor got me into it. omg, the show is pure genius. every episode, i'm like " what!! omg!! no way! all these connections are now making sense!" the writers for lost are so smart. i'm truely amazed how they started off the show and how every little detail has a purpose or a meaning. im so addicted!! lost is like my drug...can't take my eyes off it, i need it daily, curious to what's going to happen next. so currently im on the second season on 12th episode. let's see how far i go..........

end of freshman year

school is finally over. my freshman year has zoomed by like no other. let's review my freshman year. living away from home was definitely a plus. i got to experience new people, living on my own, and the ups and downs of the city. i realized i hate walking in new york city or maybe it's the fact that i'm lazy. when i used to come visit, i'd always love enjoying the weather and walking around for hours. no, not when i was in college. i taxi-ed it everywhere. i mean EVERYWHERE! mad money wasted on subway/taxi just because i was lazy. second, i went down to jersey a lot, alot! why? i guess i wasn't used to being away from home and the people i was around all the time. so most of my weekends, i went down to rutgers, where most of my friends were and boyfriend, but i think i used that one as an excuse although i saw him quite frequently. i guess i never really wanted to get out of my comfort zone.  it sucks though because next year i think i'll be commuting since i didn't apply for housing and i'll be in jersey all the time...or mostly. i realized i didn't get to experience new york city to its full extent and  i sort of regret wasting my time living in jersey. basically. maybe i'll learn to finally appreciate the great opportunities as i commute and dread the ride back and forth next year. it's funny how fast 9 months passed. i learned a lot of things during the school year and SVA has some awesome teachers and friendly people. A LOT different from growing up in the little east brunswick. anyways, a lot of expectations for the summer. hopefully, i'll get a job as soon as possible, then work many hours so i can earn some money. i hate asking my parents for money which i did all year round literally every week wasting it on nonsense things other than food and such. i want to go to the beach more especially at nights too. hopefully meet up with as many people and just make sure i enjoy every moment of it because it seems like the years go by faster and faster and soon enough, i'll be really old. okay enough of me. this is my first post everyone!